Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Is it Friday Yet?

Today started out rough.

The outfit I had in mind turned out not to work quiiiitteee like I'd hoped, so I rushed around to find another outfit. I was having a "fat day," so finding another outfit turned out to be easier said than done. My hair was flat and uncooperative, and I ended up leaving the house 10 minutes late.

I got stuck in traffic on the way to work and had to text my principal to tell him I would be a few minutes late. While I'm stuck in traffic, I checked my email and found a forward from my principal. It was a heart-felt article written by the mother of two children from Sandy Hook; one passed away last year, and the other is a survivor. I start crying while I'm reading it, thinking, "this poor woman!" I'm an ugly crier, so I was thankful I have tinted windows on my car. You'll be glad to know I cleaned up my Alice Cooper look before school:

Once in the parking lot, I ran in the door, booted up my computer, locked my purse away, and ran back out the door for morning duty.

25 minutes later, I ran back to my classroom, ran to the cafeteria to get ice for today's investigation, filled up my mug with water, and ran back to my class.

I don't really even like to run that much at the gym, so this was a bit much for me before 8:15 AM.

I'd devised a "measurement stations" lesson for my 4th graders today. It did not work. I stupidly tried to cram 6 station rotations into a 1 hour segment of class, and it was just too much. Add that to the fact that our morning was graced by a fire drill...my first hour was mass chaos.

By the middle of my second period, I start forming a plan for how I can eliminate 3 of the stations for my last two classes. I'm rollin' in the deep with the punches, y'all.

After lunch is my plan time, so I make a massive Walmart list, answer 70-billion emails, print/staple/cut/laminate/copy a ream of paper, and head off to get some lab supplies at the local Walmart.

I've never been to this establishment before, so I have no idea where things are. I first encounter an issue when I'm looking for an air popcorn popper.

There are two workers standing together by the home goods, so I politely ask for their help in locating a popper. One bursts out laughing and says, "Whatchoo need an air poppa for?"


The nice other one starts on the popper hunt with me. After -- seriously -- 15 minutes of looking, she calls to another home goods lady to help us.

Lady número dos speaks about dos words of English.

She thinks I'm looking for a chopper.

Then she thinks I'm looking for a microwave.

We finally locate the only air popper in the store...only to find out they are sold out and "can you come back tomorrow?" No. No, I cannot.

I finally say I'll order it online and ask for their help finding one more item: a food dehydrator.

Lady número dos thinks I want a juicer.

After I finally manage to explain what a food dehydrator is, she wants to lead me on another scavenger hunt though the store. The first lady is still with us at this point and asks her, "Can't you just tell us where it is?" To which the second lady replies, "this big area. I not remember all."


I finally say I'll order that online, too 'cause

I wander to their "school supply aisle," which is about 12 feet long. Seriously. It's pitiful. (#firstworldproblem?) I need some hole punches.

I stomp up and down to aisle for a few minutes before giving up and asking an employee.

She takes her sweet time meandering to the school supply aisle in her house shoes and hands me a 3-hole puncher. I tell her I need one of the single, hand punches. She says, "You can make this punch just one hole." I say, "No... I'm a teacher, and I need to buy 12 of them. I'm looking for the cheap, $1, silver, one-hole punchers."

Her reply?

"Oh. We ain't got that."

This place is starting to make me twitch. I move on before my head starts spinning around.

This Walmart organizes things much differently than my regular store does, so I have to keep pacing back and forth across the store, trying to complete my list.

I'm finally down to the last item: Graham Crackers. I'm frustrated and just want to get the heck outta there, so I ask a sales associate with 2 teeth where the dang-oh Graham Crackers are. He tells me, "Well, you gotta look in the cracker aisle!"

Me, through gritted teeth: "I'm in the food section. I see no aisle labeled 'crackers.' Please enlighten me."

Him: "It's in the hallway with the chips."

I'm baffled. Hallway? Does this store have a secret, Narnia-like passageway that's reserved only for chips and crackers?

I find the "hallway" -- uh, the next section over -- but can't find the frackin' Graham Crackers. There are Ritz crackers...Goldfish crackers... Club crackers... Cheez-Its... No Graham Crackers.

I muster up the courage to ask an employee, and he directs me to the cookie aisle. Of course they're in the cookie aisle! Not that their name would suggest they should be with the crackers or anything.


I finally make it back to the school and unload my 55475758 bags.

It takes me until 6:30 pm to finish answering emails, finalizing details on Family Science Night, working on the behavior management program I'm using this year, getting jobs in my volunteer bucket, and setting up for tomorrow's science lessons.



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