Monday, May 20, 2013

The Day I Washed My Hands 5 Thousand Times

I try not to share a lot of teaching-related stories on this blog because I try to respect the privacy of my school and its patrons.

But today's events are too good not to share.

Let me preface this story by saying that Monday is a kindergarten day for me, so all of the things you are about to read came from the mouths of 5-6 year olds. Furthermore, it is my last class of the year with them, so I decided to take them on a nature scavenger hunt by our school's pond.

During the first class, I realize that children have the uncanny ability to lose their stuff and not even notice. After one class, I found a handful of my class's pencils in the grass and in the hallway. I have no idea how the kids who dropped them continued to do their work outside because no one ever came to me in a panic about a missing pencil. Sigh.

On to my stories.

One of my little friends thinks {knows?} he is some serious man-candy. We were taking a bathroom break. I had my kiddos lined up on the wall to wait for the next available stall, and a 3rd grade girl exited her classroom. My little friend waved at her. I thought it was unusual for a kindergartener to wave to a 3rd grader, so I asked him, "Who were you waving at?" He clarified by telling me the girl's name. I said, "Huh. I didn't know you and ------ were friends." My little friend just shrugged, popped his collar, and said casually, "All the girls want me."

A few seconds later, I hear a commotion from the boys' bathroom -- which is never a good sign -- so I tell them to finish their biznass ASAP. Two or three little boys come out of the bathroom laughing. In my heart of hearts, I know it's best not to ask, but the nosy gal in me just can't resist. So I say, "What's so funny?" One of them tells me that another one just peed on a pencil that was floating in the toilet. I must have given him a wary look because he said, "It's target practice, Mrs. K!"

If you're aware of the life of a teacher, you know that it's pretty much a whirlwind from 7:30 am to about 4 pm. Naturally, I forgot about both of these incidents until much later.

Fast forward to my last class of the day. I'm settling an argument about whose-spot-was-whose in the hallway, and one of my little guys keeps tapping my arm and saying, "Here, Mrs. K." over and over. {If you've seen the annoying Stewie-from-Family-Guy commercial with him saying "Mom" repeatedly then you now have a better understanding of my situation.} I'm distracted by trying to break up this hallway squabble, so I absent-mindedly hold out my hand. Little Dude puts something wet in it and walks away. I glance at my hand, notice it's just a pencil, and go back to my role as hallway referee.

Hold up.

Wet pencil?!?!

I cautiously call out, "Heeeeyyy there... where'd ya get this pencil?"

He looks up at me, wide-eyed, and says innocently, "In the bathroom. It was floating in the toilet."

Me: "Whhhyyyy did you reach in the toilet for a pencil?!"

Him: "You always tell us not to waste supplies."

As I stand there, with my hand soaking from the pee pencil, I realize I've just been schooled -- unknowingly -- by a 5 year old. Touche, kid. You win.

And that, folks, is why I have hard abs -- from all the laughing -- but am sorta counting down until summer break.



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