Thursday, December 29, 2011

Sweet Tea and Sunburns

In case you're wondering, Sweet Tea and Sunburns is probably the name of our upcoming hit reality show about livin' as rednecks. Call us if you want an autograph! (Just don't sell it on eBay when we hit the big time, OK?)

Please enjoy this song (prepared especially for you, courtesy of PodSnack and YouTube) in the background while you read the post. I felt this little tune was especially fitting for today's post!


Since I'm a bit of a Grinch, I already took down the Christmas decorations. It's not like it took that much time; we only had one little plastic tub's worth of Christmas decs! (Maybe we'll buy more after we get a house.)

Remember those tiny little stockings I got on sale at Tar-jay and hung on our entertainment center? No? Let me refresh your memory:

His is white and has a "J" on it, and mine is red and has a "C" on it. One dolla!
Now that we're all on the same page --

Like the true redneck I am, I decided to hang those stockings up with tape. Regular ol' clear tape wasn't strong enough, so I used clear packing tape. I thought nothing of it at the time, except maybe a little satisfaction that I had gotten them to stay put, and now I could concentrate on other areas of the house.

Fast forward to the morning I took down all the decorations.

Jon happened to be still be home the morning I started putting away all the holiday stuff. He is pouring his coffee in the kitchen, and I'm trying to take the stockings off the entertainment center. As I start to peel the tape off of the "C" stocking, I see that the tape is now black. No...wait. The "paint" from the entertainment center is coming up! Ack! I said "whoopsie..." and quickly stuck it back on. I didn't even bother to try to take the tape off with the "J" stocking; I just slipped the stocking out from under the tape and went on my merry way. Jon was none-the-wiser and everything was cool (this is pretty symbolic of our entire marriage... but shhh. Don't tell him.)

Now fast forward to a few nights later. I'm in the kitchen, making dinner, and Jon is over by the TV, messing with something. I don't know what he's doing, but I don't really care; I'm on Mission Impossible: Make Something Edible.

That's when I heard it: "Uh-oh."

I don't often hear that word from Jon, so I ran over to see what was going on. He had noticed the shiny tape still on the entertainment center and decided to peel it off. He ripped it quickly, not thinking that there may have been a reason I left it on there after the Christmas stockings were long gone.

Where "black tape" once was, there were now large spots of wood that appeared unpainted. It looked real classy, lemme tell ya.

The entertainment center is redneck in itself -- Jon actually snagged it fo' free at a dumpster, of all places, right before his senior year of college. So it was hard to mourn the loss of our center's paint when I knew we hadn't spend any money on it in the first place. But we had to do something about those naked splotches; they were too redneck, even for me.

Our bright idea? A black Sharpie! (I knew I loved Sharpies for a reason!)

Everything that has value in our lives is stuff we learned in kindergarten. Take coloring, for example.

In my best Animal Planet documentary voice: "The male is caught doing something he's traditionally not supposed to do (color on the furniture), as a result of something else he wasn't supposed to do (rip the tape off). This is a way of life for these mammals. He will likely spend the rest of his life repeating this same process over and over."

When you visit us, try not to look too closely at our entertainment center. Sometimes J has a hard time staying inside the lines. ;)

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